Just Because You Think It Doesn't Make It True: Learning to Change Your Relationship With Your Thoughts | Sarah St.Martin Therapy, Salt Lake City, Utah

Have you ever caught yourself believing something about yourself simply because your mind told you it was true?

"I'm not good enough."

"I'm falling behind."

"I'm too much."

"What if something goes wrong?"

Our minds can be incredibly convincing. And if we're not paying attention, we can start treating every thought as a fact, every insecurity as the truth, and every uncomfortable feeling as evidence that something is wrong.

But here's something I remind my clients (and myself) often:

Just because you think something doesn't make it true.

And learning to recognize that can change the way we relate to ourselves.

Your Mind Is Constantly Telling Stories

Our brains are wired to anticipate, analyze, problem-solve, and protect us. They're constantly trying to make sense of what's happening around us.

Sometimes that's helpful. Other times, not so much.

Think about how quickly your mind can turn a small experience into a much bigger story.

You make a mistake at work, and suddenly you're questioning your competence.

Someone takes longer than usual to respond to a text, and you start wondering if you've done something wrong.

You feel anxious about an upcoming event, and your mind convinces you that something bad is going to happen.

Before you know it, you're no longer responding to what's actually happening. You're responding to the story your mind has created about what's happening.

This is especially common for people who struggle with anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and overthinking.

And the exhausting part? We often don't even realize we're doing it.

When Thoughts Become Our Identity

One of the patterns I notice in therapy is how easily we turn temporary experiences into permanent labels about ourselves.

We feel anxious, so we say, "I'm an anxious person."

We struggle with something, so we decide, "I'm not capable."

We experience rejection, and the story becomes, "I'm not lovable."

But there's an important distinction between what you're experiencing and who you are.

Feeling anxious doesn't mean anxiety defines you.

Making a mistake doesn't make you a failure.

Having an insecure thought doesn't mean that thought is true.

Our thoughts and emotions are real experiences, and they deserve our attention. But they aren't necessarily accurate reflections of reality, and they certainly don't have to become our identities.

What Yoga and Therapy Have in Common

Before becoming a therapist, I spent years working with the body through dance and yoga. And one of the things I've come to appreciate most is how much yoga and therapy overlap.

Both invite us to become more aware of ourselves.

Both encourage us to notice our patterns.

And both create opportunities to respond differently to discomfort.

In yoga, we practice noticing what's happening in our bodies and minds without immediately needing to change it.

Maybe you're holding a challenging pose, and your mind starts telling you that you can't do it. Maybe you catch yourself comparing your practice to someone else's. Or maybe you notice frustration when your body isn't doing what you think it should.

The practice isn't necessarily about making those thoughts disappear.

It's about noticing them.

And recognizing that you don't have to believe or act on every one.

In therapy, we work on something very similar.

We learn to recognize the stories we've been carrying, understand where they came from, and explore whether they're still serving us.

Because sometimes the most meaningful change doesn't come from trying harder or doing more.

It comes from becoming aware of what's happening within us.

A Simple Therapy Tool for Overthinking

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there's a concept called cognitive defusion.

It's a fancy term for something relatively simple: learning to create space between ourselves and our thoughts.

Here's an example.

Instead of saying:

"I'm not good enough."

Try saying:

"I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough."

Notice the difference.

The first statement sounds like a fact. The second reminds you that you're experiencing a thought.

You can take it a step further:

"I'm noticing that I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough."

It might feel awkward at first, but that small shift can help us step out of the automatic cycle of believing, reacting to, and reinforcing our negative thoughts.

The goal isn't to convince yourself that everything is wonderful or replace every negative thought with a positive one.

It's to recognize that you can have a thought without having to believe it.

And you can experience discomfort without immediately needing to fix it, escape it, or make it mean something about who you are.

You Are the Sky, Not the Weather

There's a metaphor I love that captures this beautifully:

You are the sky, not the weather.

Think about it.

The weather is constantly changing. Some days are calm and clear. Other days are stormy, unpredictable, and uncomfortable.

Our internal experiences are much the same.

We have moments of confidence and moments of insecurity. Days when we feel grounded and days when anxiety seems to take over.

But just like the weather, our thoughts and emotions are constantly shifting.

They are experiences moving through us, not necessarily definitions of who we are.

And while we can't always control what shows up in our minds, we can learn to change how we respond.

More observing. Less attaching.

More curiosity. Less criticism.

More allowing. Less controlling.

This doesn't mean ignoring difficult emotions or pretending everything is fine.

It means learning to make room for our experiences without letting them dictate every decision we make.

What Would Change If You Stopped Believing Every Thought?

Imagine what might be different if you didn't automatically believe every critical thought your mind offered you.

If making a mistake didn't send you into a spiral of self-doubt.

If someone's disappointment didn't immediately mean you'd done something wrong.

If feeling anxious didn't convince you that you were incapable of handling something.

If you could notice a thought, get curious about it, and decide whether it deserved your attention.

This is where self-trust begins to grow.

Not because you suddenly stop experiencing insecurity, fear, or uncertainty.

But because you start recognizing that you can experience those things without being controlled by them.

And that awareness gives you something incredibly valuable: the ability to choose how you respond.

Learning to Relate to Yourself Differently

One of the things I love most about therapy is that we're not necessarily trying to turn people into completely different versions of themselves.

Often, we're helping people untangle the beliefs, expectations, and protective patterns they've been carrying for years.

The pressure to get everything right.

The fear of disappointing others.

The belief that their worth is tied to what they accomplish.

The constant need for certainty or reassurance.

These patterns often developed for understandable reasons. But that doesn't mean they have to continue running the show.

You don't need to eliminate every uncomfortable thought to feel more secure in yourself.

You can learn to notice your thoughts without automatically accepting them as truth.

You can become more compassionate toward the parts of yourself that struggle.

And you can build a relationship with yourself that feels less critical, less exhausting, and more grounded in self-trust.

You are not everything your mind tells you that you are.

And sometimes, learning that is where meaningful change begins.

Ready to Get Out of Your Head?

If you find yourself constantly overthinking, second-guessing your decisions, struggling with perfectionism, or feeling stuck in patterns of anxiety and self-doubt, therapy can help.

I'm Sarah St.Martin, LCSW, and I work with adults navigating anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, burnout, and relationship challenges.

My approach is warm, direct, collaborative, and rooted in helping you develop greater self-awareness, emotional security, and trust in yourself.

I offer individual therapy in Millcreek, Utah, and virtually throughout the state.

Ready to explore what it might look like to have a different relationship with your thoughts? I offer a free 15-minute consultation to see if we're a good fit.