.png)
Starting Couples Therapy: A Guide to Reconnecting | Sarah St.Martin, Salt Lake City, UT
Updated: Sep 13
Starting couples therapy can feel like a big step. For many, it brings a mix of emotions. You might think, “We need help.” Or perhaps, “Is it really that bad?” You may even wonder, “What if this doesn’t work?” If you’ve been contemplating therapy, know that you’re not alone.
Most couples don’t come to therapy because they don’t care. They come because something in the relationship matters enough to want it to feel better. Here’s what you should know before getting started.
How Do I Know If My Relationship Needs Therapy?
Many couples wait until things feel really bad before seeking help. But therapy doesn’t have to be a last resort. It can be beneficial even if you’re not in crisis.
Consider therapy if:
You’re having the same fight over and over.
Communication feels stuck or goes in circles.
One or both of you feel emotionally disconnected.
Conflict escalates quickly—or gets avoided completely.
You feel more like roommates than partners.
Something just feels “off,” even if you can’t fully explain it.
Honestly? You don’t need a crisis. If you’re asking, “Do we need help?” that’s usually enough of a reason to explore it.
What Can We Expect in a Relationship Therapy Session?
This is one of the biggest unknowns. I strive to make this feel as grounded and clear as possible.
At Sarah St.Martin Therapy, couples therapy is not about:
Taking sides.
Deciding who’s right or wrong.
Giving surface-level communication tips and sending you on your way.
Instead, we focus on understanding the pattern between you.
In sessions, we’ll:
Slow down the moments where things start to go sideways.
Identify the cycle you get stuck in (the same fight, different day).
Explore what each of you is actually feeling underneath the reactions.
Help you express those emotions in a way your partner can hear.
Begin shifting how you respond to each other in real time.
You might notice:
Moments where things feel more honest than usual.
A different kind of conversation than you’re used to having at home.
A mix of insight and emotional work.
My role is to stay connected to both of you while helping you understand each other in a deeper, more meaningful way. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about creating a space where something new can actually happen.
Will Relationship Therapy Work If Only One of Us Wants to Attend?
This situation is more common than you might think. One partner is ready, while the other is hesitant, unsure, or only coming because they feel pushed. Therapy can still be helpful.
Here’s the honest answer:
It works best when both people are open to looking at the relationship.
But change can still start with one person showing up differently.
Often, the hesitant partner becomes more engaged once they feel:
Not blamed.
Not ganged up on.
Not forced into something they don’t understand.
You don’t need to have it all figured out to start.
How Long Does Relationship Therapy Take?
It depends. I know that’s not the most satisfying answer, but it’s the most honest one.
The duration of therapy depends on:
How long the patterns have been in place.
How open each partner is to the process.
How much is happening underneath the surface (trust, attachment wounds, etc.).
Some couples come for a few months to work through a specific issue. Others stay longer to create deeper, more lasting shifts in how they relate to each other. The goal isn’t to keep you in therapy forever. It’s to help you build a relationship that feels:
More secure.
More connected.
More sustainable outside the therapy room.
What If We’re Not Married? Can We Still Do Couples Therapy?
Yes, absolutely! You don’t need to be married—or even close to it—to benefit from couples therapy.
I work with:
Dating couples.
Long-term partners.
Engaged couples.
Couples navigating big decisions about the future.
In many ways, starting therapy earlier can be incredibly helpful. It gives you tools and awareness before patterns become more deeply ingrained.
Can Therapy Help Us Rebuild Trust After Infidelity?
Yes—but it’s a process. Rebuilding trust after infidelity is not about:
Rushing forgiveness.
Pretending it didn’t happen.
Or “just moving on.”
It’s about:
Understanding what happened and why.
Creating space for the hurt partner to process the impact.
Rebuilding safety slowly and intentionally.
Developing new patterns that support honesty and connection.
This kind of work takes time. But many couples do come out the other side with a relationship that feels more honest and grounded than before.
How Much Does Relationship Therapy Cost? Do You Take Insurance?
At Sarah St. Martin Therapy, couples therapy is a self-pay service. That means:
I do not bill insurance directly.
I can provide a superbill for potential out-of-network reimbursement, depending on your plan.
Fees can be discussed during your consultation so you have a clear understanding before getting started. A lot of couples choose private pay because it allows for:
More flexibility.
More privacy.
Treatment that is focused on your relationship—not limited by insurance requirements.
Getting started is simple:
Reach out through my website.
Schedule a free intro call.
We talk through what’s been going on and what you’re hoping for.
Decide together if it feels like a good fit.
That first call is low-pressure. It’s just a chance to:
Ask questions.
Get a feel for how I work.
See if this feels like the right next step for you.
Your Relationship Deserves Support
You don’t have to wait until things are falling apart to get help. And you don’t have to have all the answers before reaching out. If something in your relationship feels stuck, disconnected, or just not how you want it to feel—that’s enough.
Ready to take the next step? If you’re in Salt Lake City, Millcreek, Park City, or anywhere within Utah and considering couples therapy, I’d love to connect.
Schedule a free intro call, and let’s talk about what’s been going on and how I can help you both build something more connected, secure, and sustainable.
Comments